Improving assertiveness
Assertiveness is an attitude and a way of relating to the outside world, backed up by a set of skills for effective communication. To be truly assertive, you need to see yourself as being of worth and as having a right to enjoy life. At the same time, you value others equally, respecting their right to an opinion and to enjoy themselves. Lack of assertiveness can affect your relationships and quality of life, as you fail to communicate effectively and end up not getting what you want.
There are two other main ways of relating to others: being passive or being aggressive.
Body language
An important part of assertiveness is open, secure body language. The way that you hold yourself has an impact on how you are perceived and treated. Passive body language would be the classic "victim" stance of hunched shoulders and avoidance of eye contact, while an aggressive stance is one with clenched fists, glaring eyes and intrusive body language.
Tips for assertive communication:
- be honest with yourself about your own feelings
- keep calm and stick to the point
- be clear, specific and direct
- if you meet objections, keep repeating your message whilst also listening to the other's point of view. Try to offer alternative solutions if you can
- ask, if you are unsure about something
- if the other person tries to create a diversion, point this out calmly and repeat your message
- use appropriate body language
- always respect the rights and point of view of the other person
Although it can be daunting, the benefits of learning assertiveness are great. Assertiveness allows you to communicate better, command respect, and be listened to within respectful, negotiating relationships.
Published by Bupa's Health Information Team. For more information visit Health factsheets.